Ana Toader

-a Freudian amusement-

He first noticed it at the showers, tens of young schoolboys running around with towels that slipped away so easily as they shouted and shoved each other.

The furtive glances. The comparisons, the run of stellar distances measured in his mind, the transformation functions, impressions of rulers and length of fingers, doubt clutching his heart like ice, like steel. Then the concrete wave of certainty. Irrevocable. The simultaneous faces of future women trying to hide their dissapointment as he dared undress himself.

From then on, this explained everything he did. Those unaware of it attributed so many other things to his behaviour. Yet the cruel simplicity of truth found out measuring himself with other boys, that afternoon in the showers, was the real engine of his acts. He reminded me of this Flemish teckel that was once brought to my care, an assertive male the size of my cubitus bone, barking at the lovely golden retriever ladies. How he hopped around them, mad with love, never to be noticed by the tall goddesses, until one hop too high, when Cybele’s annoyed growl sent him palpitating into a wall.

It was all either very comic or very heartbreaking, one can never tell. So the dog returned to his chewtoy, quiet victim to his size and teeth.

Is there comfort in this story? Maybe that there’s a chewtoy for everyone, maybe I have forgotten it. In any case, I have a Spam folder selling hundreds of miracles for him.